I love the way you lie

"It's so hard to forget pain, but it's even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace." 

I understand that what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, but when do you get to the point where you don't have to worry about something killing you. Is there ever a time in our lives that we live for the moment, not worrying about what is going to happen or what may have happened in the past. I think I have become as strong as one can be when it comes down to it. I'm tired of going through something and coming out the other side alive only to find myself alone or more afraid than I was to begin with. This accounts for any situation, whether it be an illness, relationships, family, friends. What worries me the most, besides being ill, is being alone. I know I am young and have the rest of my life to find the right person to be with, but I look around and see others that are happy. Others, younger than me, who have already found the one. I don't want to put my heart and soul into something that is going to end up destroying a piece of me. I say that I don't want to do that, but I always do. I fight tooth and nail for what I want. I may not always show it in the most desirable way but I am committed one hundred percent. That is my downfall. I give myself to someone too much and I stop living my own life. I become wrapped in their lives, I forget that I had a life before them. I think people tend to forget that while making someone else happy is important, it is also required that you make yourself happy in the process. Otherwise, more often than not, it will never work. So I ask myself this, when does my road come to a dead end and I find the happiness that I strive for? When does the disease go away, when do I find someone that will never break my heart? I've been feeling upset lately for various reasons and I think I would be better if I didn't have so many questions. I want an answer for everything, every detail of why. I have yet to realize that there aren't always answers for the questions you seek. Some times it is what it is. People fall out of love, people get sick for no reason. Shit happens. I just wish I didn't kill myself stressing over it, allowing something that may be so insignificant to pick at my brain until the insanity sets in and I explode. Maybe some day I will learn the truth of why things happen when they do. Through everything there is one thing I notice. People dwell on the bad things more than the good. We, or maybe it's just me, never remember the good times that happened. Or we try too but so many bad things out weigh the good, making it unbearable. I try to remember the happy moments, but then I realize what I am going to be missing once thier gone. Maybe it's better that we don't have scars to show from the happiness, because then we can't miss what we hardly remember.