- The following insert is something I composed a long time ago. It conveniently fits what I am going through even though it's been years since I wrote it, so I decided to revise a few things in order to make it apply to my present situation.
"It's that sense of touch. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something."
I wanted to put a quote up that meant something to me. From the moment that I saw this, something hit me; a sense of realization, almost like I wanted it to solve my problems- almost like it would solve my problems. Let me explain.
Plain and simple: Life is hard-wear a helmet (an extra duty one if the occasion calls for), and keep those you love close to you. As living beings, we have been given the power of adaptation; the ability to accustom ones self to a presented environment through changes. Within the past year, I have faced one of the greatest obstacles that one can endure. It required a great change on my part, on my life, my family and friends, and my future. It made even the simplest task, such as waking up each day, excruciating. But through strive and determination, it was accomplished day in and day out. I was not going to let it consume my life. I have a spinal disease known as Monophasic Viral Myelitis. Or at least that is what the doctors are calling it for medical purposes. In all honesty, they have absolutely no clue what is wrong with me ( I will go into every detail of the worst year of my life in a later blog, this blog is just an insight). As if having a spinal disease isn't enough already, during my tests to solve this problem, we discovered that I have a rare blood disorder and liver disease. I am only twenty three years old and have already gone through more than any individual my own age or even older for that matter. I have never fought so hard for my life as I have for the previous year. I've been in the worst pain imaginable to human; pains such as seizures, convulsions, blackout migraines and so much more.
I believe that one can never truly be rid of pain. It’s something that we must live with everyday; it’s the definition of life. Without hardships, we have nothing to test us, or push us to our limits. Everyone falls down at one point or another. It is through these downfalls, that you look up to see who is willing the bare the weight with you. Is it a relative, or possibly a close friend- it depends. I found my true angels in waiting, they are the most amazing people that any one person will meet and if you have the fortune of getting to know them, never doubt their friendship. They are the backbone that holds me up each day. I’d like to think that we support one another through structure and protection. My emotions have ran high throughout the year; I have been tested to my limits. The pain and depression felt, has hit every angle that it could possibly conceive. But I have stuck it out this far, pushing myself to the extremes, even with knowing that it might be easier to just give up. In this life, there is no such thing as giving up- it’s a lame term for one who wants sympathy or an easy passage out. Like I said before, Life is Tough- it wasn’t meant to be easy under any circumstances.
If you’re like me, you find yourself recalling childhood memories; a time when things were so simple, a time where every child wanted to be a firefighter or astronaut. We didn’t have to worry about the lives we would disappoint along our destination on the path of whom we were really going to become, it was all about playing hopscotch and getting the best dodge ball at recess. Careless times, plain and simple; the sound of the ice cream man or playing in the sprinkler. Getting a boo-boo and running to dad, because mom always put antiseptic on it which stung like hell- dad always kissed it, gave you a piece of candy and everything was fine again. These simple pleasures remind us of who we are, the beauty in each individual.
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